Monday, I was in pain physically - which I chose to ignore since I thought it was related to my over zealous workout routine - but I was also in pain emotionally. Which I attempted to ignore but couldn't. Have you ever done that? Know you need to address that pain or fear or hurt but say - no not now - later. Well, I don't know what happens in your world but in mine - Divine Order steps in - every time - so I need to recognize that and address issues as they appear and stop burying my head in the sand! Easier said then done.
In my "Are you asking the Right Questions" workshop one of the most popular question is: *What are YOU resisting ??? So, with pain in my physical body and in my chest wall the hospital is where I ended up yesterday. 4 days later. Severe pain crippled my body to the point of collapse when I attempted to get dress. Pain so bad - I stopped breathing. Well, my intention was to take my husband to work and use the car. Uh? excuse me - then do what? Oh yeah, I was hurting but needed to go pay a couple of bills, take my grandson to an interview and get some food shopping done. Well, like I said Divine Intervention as a way of showing up so you can pay attention to whatever it is you are resisting.
Well after - Michael rushed me to the ER, with tears rolling down my cheeks from the pain of getting in his Ford F150 (that has no running board) and getting out and walking into the hospital and being rushed through at the speed of light because they thought my sided chest wall pain was chest pain ( and because we have insurance :D ) after being drained, poked and prodded, Xrayed and EKG'd; I was left alone for awhile. Michael had to pick up my grandson so I had to lay there and wait for the results. Lay and wait. Pretty much what you have to do when you have faith that things will be all right - because all kinds of images of what could be wrong showed up! Maybe it's my kidney and I have kidney stones, (only born with 1 kidney so that's not good) maybe the TB from youth flared up - maybe the spot on my lungs got bigger, maybe it was just what I thought all along - my workout was too much of a strain - after all I am out of shape! In the meantime when you have time and you are laying in the hospital ER bed what do you do?PRAY!
While laying there I had time to address the emotional pain since the physical was being attended to - Why is my heart hurting - why am I sad, why am I feeling so down? What am I resisting?
Ask and you shall receive - like the answer or not. What I have been resisting is "What Is"
Yes - that's right - What IS. I am normally in a state of gratitude. In fact every morning and evening we ask each other what 3 things are you grateful for today - and usually turns into alot more than 3. But Monday is when I received my 2nd check for this new job and it was nothing that calculated - in fact it was $600 less. Then I looked at what was lacking - no money to help my grandson with college, no money for basics we needed, no money for a number things that was pressing at that point. Of course, I called work to see what the problem was found out there was no problem - I calculated wrong! So now I am resisting big time. I never paid this amount in 15 years for a full week of work - I need to find another job - I can't operate with this pay scale. Going on and on and on.
While laying in the ER bed - a thought came to me that showed up earlier that day - just before I opened my eyes.
If you resist What is - you push away what you want! - PEACE AND JOY
In other words - if I can't appreciate and marvel in gratitude at what is- all I am going to attract is more lack - the very thing I don't want. More stress. More sadness. More anxiety. More tears.
I have home, I have a car, I have food, I have a job, I have a mate, I have family, I have friends, In other words - There is no lack - Nothing is missing. Except my ability to see the truth. So now while I lay there in the hospital bed - I can finally see again. Now there are more tears - but not from pain but from releasing the resistance and marveling in What is!
What are you resisting?
