Monday, I was in pain physically - which I chose to ignore since I thought it was related to my over zealous workout routine - but I was also in pain emotionally. Which I attempted to ignore but couldn't. Have you ever done that? Know you need to address that pain or fear or hurt but say - no not now - later. Well, I don't know what happens in your world but in mine - Divine Order steps in - every time - so I need to recognize that and address issues as they appear and stop burying my head in the sand! Easier said then done.
In my "Are you asking the Right Questions" workshop one of the most popular question is: *What are YOU resisting ??? So, with pain in my physical body and in my chest wall the hospital is where I ended up yesterday. 4 days later. Severe pain crippled my body to the point of collapse when I attempted to get dress. Pain so bad - I stopped breathing. Well, my intention was to take my husband to work and use the car. Uh? excuse me - then do what? Oh yeah, I was hurting but needed to go pay a couple of bills, take my grandson to an interview and get some food shopping done. Well, like I said Divine Intervention as a way of showing up so you can pay attention to whatever it is you are resisting.
Well after - Michael rushed me to the ER, with tears rolling down my cheeks from the pain of getting in his Ford F150 (that has no running board) and getting out and walking into the hospital and being rushed through at the speed of light because they thought my sided chest wall pain was chest pain ( and because we have insurance :D ) after being drained, poked and prodded, Xrayed and EKG'd; I was left alone for awhile. Michael had to pick up my grandson so I had to lay there and wait for the results. Lay and wait. Pretty much what you have to do when you have faith that things will be all right - because all kinds of images of what could be wrong showed up! Maybe it's my kidney and I have kidney stones, (only born with 1 kidney so that's not good) maybe the TB from youth flared up - maybe the spot on my lungs got bigger, maybe it was just what I thought all along - my workout was too much of a strain - after all I am out of shape! In the meantime when you have time and you are laying in the hospital ER bed what do you do?PRAY!
While laying there I had time to address the emotional pain since the physical was being attended to - Why is my heart hurting - why am I sad, why am I feeling so down? What am I resisting?
Ask and you shall receive - like the answer or not. What I have been resisting is "What Is"
Yes - that's right - What IS. I am normally in a state of gratitude. In fact every morning and evening we ask each other what 3 things are you grateful for today - and usually turns into alot more than 3. But Monday is when I received my 2nd check for this new job and it was nothing that calculated - in fact it was $600 less. Then I looked at what was lacking - no money to help my grandson with college, no money for basics we needed, no money for a number things that was pressing at that point. Of course, I called work to see what the problem was found out there was no problem - I calculated wrong! So now I am resisting big time. I never paid this amount in 15 years for a full week of work - I need to find another job - I can't operate with this pay scale. Going on and on and on.
While laying in the ER bed - a thought came to me that showed up earlier that day - just before I opened my eyes.
If you resist What is - you push away what you want! - PEACE AND JOY
In other words - if I can't appreciate and marvel in gratitude at what is- all I am going to attract is more lack - the very thing I don't want. More stress. More sadness. More anxiety. More tears.
I have home, I have a car, I have food, I have a job, I have a mate, I have family, I have friends, In other words - There is no lack - Nothing is missing. Except my ability to see the truth. So now while I lay there in the hospital bed - I can finally see again. Now there are more tears - but not from pain but from releasing the resistance and marveling in What is!
What are you resisting?
Ah, Diane, Diane. You are SO responsible on this earthly plane. And you so need to be reminded that God is in charge - at all times. You are only doing His bidding in your day to day activities. Get off the roller coaster and smooth out the ride. Reduce the highs and lows.
ReplyDeleteAND I know that it is so easy for me to see your pattern of behavior, and be blind to my own. I open myself to your feedback as well!
Much loving blessings to you ~ Leslie
Hi Diane,
ReplyDeleteThanks for reminding us of what is important! Sometimes it is easy to take what we have for granted.
Hope all is well - physically and mentally - for you and yours.
Times are tough, but you have the right attitude to not let that stop you. Wish I did!!
Good post - enjoyed reading it even though it told me "things could be worse" - I hate hearing that! ;)
Love,
Marilyn
Thanks Leslie for stopping here to share your comments - really appreciate it. Everyone else sent it to me an email. Leslie, you are right - he is in charge - I do need that reminder every now and then, and I also need to stop being so responsible to the degree that I take on more than I chew, eat or swallow :D Helping others constantly to the point of disregarding self is the roller coaster to get off. I do want a smooth ride in being able to take a nap, if I want or go riding my bike at sunset instead of teaching, or doing resumes, or etc...
ReplyDeleteSo since the habit is a grove in my brain, I've enlisted a few folks that are willing to keep me focus on what is important for my well being - ME ! Look forward to more insightful comments and Prayers are with you for your journey also.
Hey Marilyn, really appreciate you stopping here to share your thoughts ... it means alot.
ReplyDeleteIt was a reminder more for me than anyone else ...really don't want you to feel that my point is "that it could be worse" Just the opposite, really. I can only see the good right now - nothing else. It could change as things do in our Lives but for now - what I am feeling - is real special to be alive - just breathing - being in a hospital kind have that effect. :)
Feeling special that so many others even care.
That is gift of being present. Looking at what is - is all good. Bills unpaid, unable to help my grandson, crummy new job, the pain in my side that has calmed down a bit because of cocaine....lol, I mean codeine. There is a Peace that has surfaced and allow me to embrace all of it and see with a different set of lens. Better focus. No stress.
The main point that I wish both of you commented on is the question at the end "What are you resisting".
If you have time to answer that for me it would be awesome. Thank you again
Namaste'
Leslie, care to share "What are you resisting?"
ReplyDeletewould mean alot if you did.
Thank you
Great words of wisdom. It helps to remember that we can change our "what is" to "what we want" if we stop resisting!
ReplyDeleteTawanna
Thank you Tawanna, That is my whole point - When we stop resisting there is no wanting because we become the very thing we are seeking. We attract the love we feel, the wealth that we are, just from the state of being grateful for what is. All the "things" we desire flow to us - effortlessly, easily, constantly.
ReplyDeleteVery Grateful for your participation - with your schedule it feels good to know you take time for this. Namaste' and Hugs
Hey Diane,
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling better health wise and all! I can feel where you are coming from with all your concerns. Trying to hold onto hope in the midst of a snow ball has been a challenge for me. Sometimes knowing others have had their struggles to contend with too and how they get through it helps. I wish for you many blessings in the New Year and beyond! <3